sweet deceit
by Yui Miyamoto
Summary: When Yuki comes to live with Shigure, who is it that Shigure's really seeing? (Note: Shounen-ai)


**fandom - Fruits Basket**  
 **title - sweet deceit.**  
 **rating - pg**  
 **pairing - shigure + yuki, shigure + aya**  
 **description – When Yuki comes to live with Shigure, who is it that Shigure's really seeing?**

 **disclaimer – Fruits Baskets isn't mine.**

 **sweet deceit.**  
 **by miyamoto yui**

"Welcome, Yuki-kun."

"Thank you for letting me live here."

He politely says this to me with only one duffle bag and a formal grin. I know there's nothing behind those blank eyes but a gratefulness that he can't express. He stands in front of my doorstep with a light blue Chinese shirt and dark blue jeans with eyes that have been devoid of light and filled with images of Akito's.

I touch his head even though I know he doesn't like it. I smile as I lead him to his room upstairs. "This is all yours."

He puts his stuff down. Again, he thanks me, but nods his head.

His quietness is so different from his boisterous brother's mouth that rambles nonstop. I wonder what I've been expecting…

As I fold my hands into my sleeves when I cross my arms, I explain the rules of the household. He takes up his bag to the bed and unpacks his things with his back towards me. I can't tell if this is Akito's doing or if he's purposely shutting his heart to me.

I don't know how to cook and he tries his best to make rice. We end up boiling random vegetables while adding base as if it's a soup. While sitting across one another, we eat. It's not the best, but I try to make a crack that he has to make the meals if we're going to survive.  
"How have you been eating then?" he asks while the chopsticks touch his lips.  
"I manage somehow."

There's a piece of rice on his lip and I instinctively reach out to rub it away with my thumb. He quickly turns his head away from me while I take my hand away. "I'm so used to-Never mind. Ahahahaha…"  
I change the subject as he takes the rice and pops it into his mouth himself. He takes a deep breath before eating again, but the nice pace has been disrupted again.

The uncomfortability level goes up again. And no matter how many jokes I make, I can't capture his trust again until the opportunity presents himself.

I end up washing the dishes. When I'm done, I sit on the ledge and end up looking at the greenery covered in the dark blue hue of the sky, making more shadows than there should be. I sigh as I shake my head for my foolishly.  
I lean my head forward while covering my eyes with my right hand.

Don't get him mixed up with Aya They're two completely different people, don't you see?  
You don't owe anything to anyone and you're not doing this to win his favor, so why can't you just say to him, 'If this doesn't work out, you can always go back to the main house.'

You don't want to because you know he doesn't want to go back…  
…and because of that face that reminds you of your high school days…

Those were the best days of your life.

The house creaks under Yuki's footsteps and I'm still trying to get used to the idea of someone else being here with me. It's strange to be in the middle of this large expanse of land, but with a companion.

"But they're not the same," I mumble to myself.  
Unconvinced.

*/*/*/*

I put my glasses on and stare at the blank piece of paper in front of me. I've positioned it perfectly inside the typewriter, but I readjust it again. I fix my glasses again and clear my throat as the paper taunts me with its whiteness.

I don't know what to write even if there's a million things spinning inside of my mind.

But it's mixed up with the questions I have as I stare at the door, knowing he's there. I know he's in the den alone studying because the kotatsu is warmer than his room. As always, he's quiet and even though I'm used to talking to myself (except when my editor comes), this silence is deeper than the one I'm accustomed to as when I was living alone.

My mind wanders to thinking about the face they both share. I shake my head and pat my cheeks. "Concentrate!"

"Shigure-san?" the boy calls beyond my door.  
"Yes?" I answer while lifting my eyes to watch the door.  
"May I come in?"  
"Okay."

He brings in a small tray with a hot cup of something. When he puts it down on my desk next to me, he tells me, "I made too much tea and I thought you'd want some."  
"Thanks," I happily say while pretending to look as if I'm about to type something.  
"You're welcome," he replies while turning around to leave. "If you need any more, just call me. Sorry to have bothered you."

He closes the door and my eyes look down at the hot green tea in front of me.

The awkwardness is still there, but he's making an effort. We're trying our best. I'm trying to hold back from being too like myself, being so insistent that you can't stand it. Just like the person that infected me with all his superfluous words.

I hold the tea in my hands and drink it.

As soon as I put it down, I put my fingers onto the letters and type, "I worked in a café as a waitress and on that particular day, I…"

I stop after a while and I look at the closed door. I wish he would come back, but I know he won't until I call him to.

*/*/*/*

When his lungs act up, I end up catching him in my arms before he collapses onto the living room floor. Slowly, I carry him up the stairs, but he clings onto my clothing with his fingers.

For some reason, I feel him trust me more than before. I am touched by this, but there's no time for me to think more about it as he cringes in pain. It becomes harder to bring him up to his room as I see him close his eyes tightly.  
He's in pain and I hold him tighter.

"It's all right," is all that comes out of my mouth.

I can't stand this face looking as if it's in agony. It's like watching Aya's true heart before me, haunting me for never saying anything 'cause it was killing me.  
And now, I hide behind novels with shy, female protagonists…

After rushing to make a phone call to Hatori, I make him sit up. Yuki leans on me as he takes his inhaler.  
When Hatori comes to check up on him, he insists that Yuki come back to the main house.

A feeling of cold fear rushes through my veins and I interject to say to him that Yuki's doing fine. He'll just be careful next time. I tell him anything that will keep him here because I'm used to his cold, yet gentle glances at me, the strong tea that doesn't let me get a good night's sleep, and the creaking of someone else's footsteps echoing in this spacious house.

Hatori understands a little and I almost wish he doesn't get the full picture.  
I'm ashamed of the reason why I desperately want to keep Yuki when it's more practical to have him go back to the main house.

That night, as I leave Yuki's room, I go downstairs and watch the sky filled with stars. I breathe in the cold air and tell myself over and over as the cold wind clings onto my blood, "So let go. Let go already…"

I can't though! I don't want to!

I feel guilty when he sincerely thanks me for keeping him here.

*/*/*/*

Spilling myself into blotches of black ink, I write vigorously on the table as Yuki reads his textbook at one corner of the living room. Once in a while, he looks out the window and I steal glimpses of him, thinking of the days in high school where I used to do that with Aya.  
But I sigh and continue to write. I adjust my glasses and drink the strong tea he's given me.

He takes a small sip of his own, but his eyes appear distant as he looks outside. It's as if he's still trapped.

And I know exactly how he feels, but for a different reason.

I stare at the draft of my manuscript and get mad myself while I write. I don't give any indication that I'm so frustrated at myself.  
"It's all right," I keep on thinking inside of my head.

I start to persuade myself that this is better than nothing.

He reads his book again.

Then, I hear him laugh and look up to see him watching me. He's covered his mouth with his hand, but I can see the flicker in his eyes and the outline of his quiet, smiling face even though I can't see through the pale hand.

So beautiful…

My face breaks into a grin. I tease, "What are you looking at?"  
"I'm sorry, but I couldn't help but see that drawing you have on the table."

It was a crayon and paint mix of colors with the most deformed representations of a dog, snake, and dragon.

I forgot that I always had it out whenever I needed inspiration.

"It's to calm me down whenever I get too intense." I laugh. "Amusing isn't it? Aya gave it to me when we were little. 'Said he'd become a great artist someday. In a way, he did."  
I touch it with my fingers as he observes me hesitantly and nods his head.

At the mention of his brother's name, he wears an expression heading towards a frown. He goes back to reading while I get up. "I'm going to have a bath."

When I get to the bathroom, I look at the mirror before me and take a deep breath out of disappointment at myself.

Yuki's smile won't leave my mind and I turn away from my own reflection in the mirror. I still hold onto the sink and look down at the whiteness before me, unable to cry at the torture I've put myself through. My knees refuse to fall to the ground.

The books are all the same. They're the confessions I couldn't say back then or even now.

We're the same, aren't we, Aya? You couldn't tell Hatori, so to let that out, you make up for it by selling fantasies to men through costumes. I sell dreams of ideal love through the words that couldn't ever come out, fearing of upsetting our delicate balance.

But here I am, years later, returning to the times that deteriorate every single day inside my mind. I try so hard to remember, but I know that they'll become fuzzy someday.

Your face is here, but you aren't here anymore. Even when I see you once in a while, I selfishly wish for the old you that I couldn't ever keep.

There's no point in keeping up this act. I'm playing with my own mind while my face smiles at him every morning out of reflex. The two faces coincide even though I know they're not each other.

My heart won't let go. It won't let me accept-  
I can't even say it to myself.

I just can't.

I remember what you told me one day while we were finishing our art projects together. You happily patted your sculpture while laughing at me when I asked why were you breaking pieces of your own mini statue.  
"There's beauty even in destruction! Why do you think people break the Earth apart and create it in a way they want? So that they'll leave their own marks in the world!"

Those times he spouted out the most ridiculous things actually made sense. I started to finally understand the way he thought and absorbed it inside of me.

Since we couldn't live in the world as normal people could, we might as well as have made our own. That's what he taught me in everything he did and I fell so hard because I wanted that.

When I was done with my bath, I found that Yuki fell asleep with his back against the wall. I got my blanket and put it over him. Cupping my hand over his cheek, I gave him a good look and smiled as the tears began to come out on their own.

He sleeps soundly as I stare at this wonderful face.  
My fingers take a hold of his chin.

As if it's him in front of me, I whisper while his voice said in my head, "Insanity gave birth to beauty."

Taking my fingers away, I sigh. I back away out of shame for my intentional folly.

When he wakes up, I'm writing with a light out on the table. I smile at him and nod while writing, "My mind knows the truth while my eyes realize a different kind of sweet deceit. I continue to drink the poison of my own accord.

I'm too addicted to my inner suffering because that's the only way I can find you."

 **Owari.**  
 **-**  
 **Author's note:** I always wondered why Shigure would take Yuki in. And my insanity made me write this. ^^v Um, have fun with my crack pairing?

Love,  
Yui

Monday, July 11, 2005  
4:35:13 AM


End file.
